Weddings Aren't Always Amazing

So I found out last month that my sister is getting engaged after only 2 months of knowing the guy. And trying to be a good sister and daughter, I flew down to Florida for her wedding, even though I don't have the money and I was just down here and Im missing part of the week before finals week. It was my mom's first flight and I wanted her to know she had support behind her. So I got up at 4:30 am and got on a plane with her and had panic attacks the whole way up. Then we got here and had to drive 2 hours to my sister's house, where once we got there, we had to wait for her fiancee to show up to let us in, because no one was home. Then I drank this nasty sangria. And then listened to my stepdad and everyone else talk about how much my sisters mom sucks. Then the guys got a bunch of food and prepared it and we drove out to her fiancees parents farm, cuz he wanted to show us "the REAL Florida country".Turns out it looks just like northern MN white trash, complete with couches in the front yard.

So while we were there, we met his southern type family. I used to think I wanted to marry a southern boy and live a southern life. NOT ANYMORE. I couldnt take it. So he offered to take us on a walk and show us the blueberry fields and the cows. Now dont get me wrong, I'm a nature girl, I love being outside, I love being around animals, getting dirty, learning new things, horseback riding, whatever. But on this walk out to the cows, whom I fed, which was really cool, I was attacked by fire ants. They bit my feet, my toes, and my legs, and.it.burned.

So we went inside, after brushing off all the evil ants, and rinsing off my feet while I watched them swell and turn red, and started cooking food. Problem is, we were grilling shishkabobs and the grill didnt work. It took two hours to cook the food, and then the 2 families seperated in different rooms to eat. After dinner, my sister and her fiancee got in a fight and then she left us out in bum-fuck-no-wheres-ville, to go to her bachelorette party. We had to drive back an hour with no clue how to get there. When we finally did get there, we once again didnt have keys and couldnt get in. Paul then got out of the truck, whilst drunk and began to take pictures of everything. In the dark. He was gone for about 10 minutes when we realised we had no clue where he wasm and my mom and i were just sitting in our orange suv pimp-mobile. Once we were inside, my new brother in law sat up with me and had a H2H, which wasnt all bad.

I passed out on the couch aka my bed until 9 am when I was awoken by my stepdad taking pictures of us sleeping. He said he wanted to be out of the house and on the road to our hotel by 10 am, and we didnt leave until close to 2 pm. WTF. Then my sister showed up with my neice, and we got to hang out on the beach for a few hours and just drink, play in the sand, lay in the sun, and try to chase off the birds who we accidentally fed and therefore they wouldnt leave us alone. Rob got pooped on. Cali had an accident and peed on my towel. She has a UTI so I cant really blame her.
After cleaning up, we went out to eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp, even though both Cali and I are allergic to shellfish. SWEET. We figured oh well, we'll figure it out.

We sat on the patio and told them we had allergies, and ordered stuff we could eat. Another small problem: my stepdad got a seafood platter and was splashing seafood juice and cracking all his shells on me. I got lobster goo sprayed on my neck and it broke out in hives and was itching all night. They covered my face and the wedding is tomorrow. He then proceeded to eat the food off my plate, and touch it with his shrimp hands. Well, now it's been contaminated with the shellfish curse, and I cant eat it. MOTHERFUCKING FANTASTIC. Then he engaged our server in a conversation about the servers band, as if he would ever go see them, and help up the party behind us that was going to sit at our table another 20 minutes. Luckily, since I didnt eat anything, and was pissed by this time, I had gotten a large drink that cost $10. It was delicious and I got to keep the cup. My saving grace was my Cali bug who was keeping me busy and distracting me and keeping my spirits up.

We finally get back to our hotel room, and I pull out the couch Im sleeping on, and guess what? NO SHEETS. So here I am...I'm trying to stay positive and not ruin everyone else's good time. But it seems everywhere I turn my patience is being tested. REALLY tested. If you have any words of wisdom for me, let me know. Please, help me out here. 2 days left.