My STI thoughts...

Should people with STDs always tell their partners? What if they are reasonably sure they are not infectious? What responsibility do people who have STDs have to their partners? How about their ex- partners?
• As a person with an STD, this question is easier to answer when you’re not infected, or don’t have an STI. It’s easy to say that yes, people with STIs should always tell their partners, even if they’re sure they aren’t infectious. But in reality, that is so much harder to do than one might think. I found out this summer that I have type 1 genital herpes, and was kind of dating someone from work at the time. Once I told him, he stopped talking to me and pretty soon everyone at work knew. The guy had hurt me, and I was really upset that something like a disease could make or break a relationship, although I recognized that even though it was the first time I would be rejected for my virus, it certainly wouldn’t be the last. I took the opportunity to be a spokesperson for the subject and am very open about it to anyone I work with who asks. However, I haven’t been able to be so open with everyone I know. Most of my close friends know, but only a couple of my newer friends know, and I waited until after I had slept with my current boyfriend to tell him. The night I told him, I hadn’t planned on telling him so soon, but felt that it was important for him to know, since we were doing things that would allow him to contract it from me. I was soooo scared to tell him, and I cried for hours, not because I was really really into the guy and afraid of losing him, although that was a part of it, but more so because I knew that it would be so easy for him to reject me and blame it on Herpes. Luckily, he was amazing and took it very well. He took a deep breath, and said, “Alright, so I learn about it, I protect myself, and we go on. I’m not leaving you because of Herpes”. We weren’t even dating yet, and it was more than I could ask for. Finding out I had herpes was one of the hardest days of my life, and it changes everything. You have to make a decision whether to tell people, and what doing so could mean for you and your friendships, relationships, and family. Luckily, I have family and friends who are all very supportive and understood how hard it is to live with a disease that most people consider to be something only “dirty, slutty, promiscuous, nympho” girls get. I decided that it was my job to try to break down some of those barriers. I was never that kind of girl, and never will be, especially now that I have to live with a life-long virus that is very communicable. I think that if the STI is something viral or lethal, like Herpes, Hepatitis, or HIV/AIDS, then it’s important for your sexual partners to know. If it’s bacterial, and has been taken care of, like Chlamydia or Gonorrhea, then it’s not as important. People with STIs have the responsibility to their partners to keep them safe. Tell them when you’re having an outbreak; teach about your virus/infection/disease. Answer their questions, and be open about talking to them. Think about how you felt when you were diagnosed, and how unless you really dislike someone, you wouldn’t wish that on anyone else. So why not protect your partner? You don’t want them to be in the same place you are. Explain to them what to look for, and what to do if they feel like anything isn’t right. WEAR A CONDOM OR DENTAL DAM! It’s not that hard, and it could be something that will save a life. Or maybe just not change someone’s in a negative way. In terms of ex partners, if the person with the STI can pinpoint where/who they got it from, then you don’t have to tell your partners before that person. However, if you can’t, or if you’ve been with people since that person who made you sick, then you need to tell them, so that they can go get tested and make sure they’re ok.