HOLY CATS AND DAWGS

So I havent written anything in a while, or even come on the website. Probably because Rick and I broke up two days after my last post and I didn't want to think about or read any of the old posts about how amazing he was or how much I loved him. I still talk to him everyday, but he says we're not getting back together. Im just trying to take it easy and see where things go. He's said that about other people too, and look what happened with that. I feel like I shouldn't want to be with him, and honestly, I dont know if I could be after everything that's happened. But I do know that when Im with him is when I feel the most right in the world and where I am, and I only see him like once a month or every three weeks. And it's only for sex and I have to sneak over there and then it's not like we hang out much before, it's a little bit of talking about shit and then get down to business. I just miss him so much. I talk to him every day and I miss him so much. What is wrong with me? Ive never been like this with anyone before, and I know I need to get over it and move on, cuz even if we could work things out, my family and friends would ex-communicate me if I dated him again...I dont know what to do. I miss the cuddly-bear face snuggling and watching movies with him, and just simple things like talking about where we came from and if we like coffee or not. I was looking at his old myspace profile tonight and reading the answers on his survey and realised that they're pretty much all the same answers that I put. It really was a relationship of bed timing. We liked each other, we were attracted to each other, but he wasnt ready cuz he wasnt over Rachel yet. I feel like if we hadnt tried before, and we started to try now, things would work out better. But now there is so much behind us, and clogging things up and complicating our relationship...its just a mess now, I guess. Plus, I look at things like, if such and such happens, then we can never go back. Very catastrophic thinking. Example: If he were to get a new gf, then he would never talk to me again or if he did, it wouldnt matter, cuz he would love her and they would get married. I'm obviously delusional, but I cant help it, its just the way I think.