So lately things with Rick went downhill on Friday, and now theyre ok again. Everytime I'm with him, I just feel right. I feel like that's where I belong. I belong in his arms and when I kiss him, it feels like I should have been kissing him these past three years instead of being single. Every time I see him, I still get butterflies, and I get nervous when I do something new around him.
It scares me sometimes how fast I let myself get sooo attached to him. I continually led guys on and when someone was interested in me, I would find a way to get rid of them. When I was interested in someone, I always did shit that would push them away. I knew it would push them away and I still did it. I think subconsciously I knew it wouldn't work out, or that I really wasn't that into them. And yet, then this guy comes along, probably the only guy I SHOULD have stayed away from, and I let myself fall for him. Every day I wanna do something that will make him smile and remember how much he wants me, and when we have perfect days, when we can't stop smiling and laughing and can't keep our hands off each other, I fall asleep so happy that I had that day in my life. I feel better for knowing him, and for finding someone as understanding and kind as he is and can be (when he wants). He accepts me who I am, and I'm glad that he's the one person that I can let in past my walls. That's really a big deal for me. For the past three years, I havent let anyone in. And for some reason, when I was least trying, he got in. And I'm glad he did. :)
But I'm still scared a little ;)
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